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Cosmopolitan’s ‘Things to say in bed’ an absurd list of recommendations from 1972 edition

Ian Harvey
Source:New York Public Library

Those who constantly complain about the arguably absurd blog posts crazy life hacks and insanely creative ‘ways to do things’ rampage on the internet, must see this 1972 Cosmopolitan Edition’s recommendations about what one must say (or must not say) in the bed titled appropriately ‘Things to Say in Bed’.

Well truth be told, those preciously kept moments are so secretive and ‘creative’ at times that often the couples lay in bed for hours wondering ‘Did I just say that’. But if you are given a list (someone actually imagined all these utterances as an actual writing project, that’s brave), a rather detailed pamphlet of the expressions one might say, and with the guarantee to boost the climactic moments of intimacy, then surely it becomes a task to choose the right one, doesn’t it?

The entire premise of the Cosmo’s list of recommended things to say in bed is simply to add the cherry on top of a splendid performance in bed, citing that a great love making session is good but one’s dialogue can be at times even more amusing and satisfying.

During the weeks of Cosmopolitan’s long list of ‘dirty talking’ recommendations, a feminist mouthpiece Ms. Magazine was founded by Gloria Steinem. Cosmo’s editors decided to come up with the idea not out of their sheer creativity or desire, rather according to them a whole group of women who had kept their men coming for years contributed to compiling these ‘golden words’ of intimacy booster one-liners.

The analysis of the so-called ‘things to say in bed’ presents a rather bleak picture of sexual and social conditioning of women, seemingly persistent all through the known history. For instance look at this rather long ‘compliment’;

‘There is nothing like sleeping with a man who’s athletic enough to touch all the bases’

Surely it has the undertone of man’s dominance, suggesting the women were some kind of a playground and the man a strong athlete with abilities to overpower every aspect of that field, more of a man-ego booster citing men to be some kind of super pleasure providers. It doesn’t end at that for sure;

‘My, you’re as handsomely proportioned as Michelangelo’s David’

Well, need not to say anything about this, another exaggerative expression of submitting to male ego and suppressing the role of women in great sexual encounters. The list goes on and on, with most of the recommendations presenting men as demi-gods of sex and pleasure, and women as merely the other ‘insignificant’ part of the experience.

Fortunately, humanity has moved on from this predicament of intimacy to some extent and women are now seen as equal if not the dominating factor in bed. The phrases like ‘what you are in to’ have profoundly changed the ways men and women perceive the sexual experiences as. Considering the kinks and turn on factors of your partner has now become a ‘thing’, something that modern humans greatly cherish.